All through your 20's you strive to establish a career that stands up to your own and unfortunately, others expectations. You hit your 30's, you're in a relationship, married or otherwise and you start to feel that maternal instinct kick in, it's overpowering and not something that can be ignored. Your body clock is also ticking away and you consider what you have achieved professionally, the places you have traveled, life experiences and how things stack up if there were to be 3 of you. All the ducks seem to be lined up so why wouldn't you?
Now, fast forward beyond making that decision and the whirlwind that is pregnancy and the miracle of having a newborn and skip to the time where you've been out of the workforce for a considerable time. You spend your groundhog days cooking, cleaning, food shopping, nursery runs in between potty training, reading, drawing, ballet and swimming lessons and too many conversations with those under 4 or other mums, about those under 4. The time when you were a woman with her own identity, not attached to someone else feels gone. You feel like the balance must be wrong but how do you change that? Self doubt has set in, there are many days when you know you are impatient, moody, unmotivated and simply overwhelmed by it all. Something needs to change, where do you start?
Do I need a job? Do I need a hobby? Should I go back and study?
When Miss B was 2, I went back to work 3 days a week out of necessity after Mr A, who is in finance, was retrenched. We had just finished a major renovation on our house and we were a year or so into a global financial crisis. I took the first job I was offered that was family friendly, not at all related to my professional background, but something I was more than qualified to do. My boss, a mother of two, one year into an online wholesale business selling eco baby products, utter chaos, terrible industrial offices with inadequate heating/cooling and simply a nutcase to work with. Reluctantly, but out of necessity, I stuck it out for just over a year, it was simply a job to help pay the mortgage. Every day I drove into that office all I could think of is how much I wanted to be at home with Miss B. I then applied for a Marketing/PR role also offering 3 days, working on some very well established and high end stationery brands, being distributed by a small but successful family business. I could not believe the change in my self esteem, energy and well being. A role that gave me full rein to be creative, responsibility that I didn't have to think twice about and family friendly hours in practice, not just on the job description. I had family support for child care, very convenient and makes a big difference. I found my groove back! I wasn't overwhelmed or out of my depth, as I worry about now. I was a happier person to be around with more energy for dinner and bath time, than what I have now as a stay at home mum.
After 6 months, I was feeling rather settled in my role that combines woman, mother and wife, Mr A receives an offer too good to refuse in Doha... We're going back! Yes, this is the second stint in the desert. That was about 18 mths ago and here I am, wondering how to get some balance back in my life to bring back the woman!
There is a practical side that stops me from pulling the trigger. Miss B is 3 & 1/2, she is soon to start school, 7.30am-12.30, 5 days a week. Yes, that is EARLY and yes, she is young and no we are both not morning people, so there's going to be an adjustment period! We don't have a maid and driver to do the school run, like many working parents do here and I'm not quite ready to consider a live in maid, so I'm trying to figure out what my options are, given part time work is very difficult to find here. From my understanding, the entire concept and the benefits haven't quite caught on here. This is the land of opportunity though and my gut instinct tells me that once you put the feelers out there, I will be inundated with offers. So, why am I procrastinating?
All I have to do is update the CV, put a proposal together of services I am able to offer and send it off, which gives me the choice of working from home, consulting or if an employer is happy to be flexible with school hours, happy days! I know I can do it but I have thoughts of self doubt and concerns of being overwhelmed, as I already feel now without a job to add to the mix. I have concerns about taking on an employers project and feeling the priority pull from each side. When Miss B needs my attention now, I am able to give it to her but if I have expectation from an employer, how do I prioritize when deep down she is my priority, without a question. The other option is to study. I've investigated it and it ticks most boxes but I feel like I need some adult interaction, not more time cooped up at the computer, I do enough of that now. Then there's the crafty/hobby option. I'm a left hander, I've never been handy so why start now!
So tell me, have you found balance? Are you in Doha? What are you doing? Were you a better person for it and how did you make it work? Or are you still waiting to pull the trigger?
Now, fast forward beyond making that decision and the whirlwind that is pregnancy and the miracle of having a newborn and skip to the time where you've been out of the workforce for a considerable time. You spend your groundhog days cooking, cleaning, food shopping, nursery runs in between potty training, reading, drawing, ballet and swimming lessons and too many conversations with those under 4 or other mums, about those under 4. The time when you were a woman with her own identity, not attached to someone else feels gone. You feel like the balance must be wrong but how do you change that? Self doubt has set in, there are many days when you know you are impatient, moody, unmotivated and simply overwhelmed by it all. Something needs to change, where do you start?
Do I need a job? Do I need a hobby? Should I go back and study?
When Miss B was 2, I went back to work 3 days a week out of necessity after Mr A, who is in finance, was retrenched. We had just finished a major renovation on our house and we were a year or so into a global financial crisis. I took the first job I was offered that was family friendly, not at all related to my professional background, but something I was more than qualified to do. My boss, a mother of two, one year into an online wholesale business selling eco baby products, utter chaos, terrible industrial offices with inadequate heating/cooling and simply a nutcase to work with. Reluctantly, but out of necessity, I stuck it out for just over a year, it was simply a job to help pay the mortgage. Every day I drove into that office all I could think of is how much I wanted to be at home with Miss B. I then applied for a Marketing/PR role also offering 3 days, working on some very well established and high end stationery brands, being distributed by a small but successful family business. I could not believe the change in my self esteem, energy and well being. A role that gave me full rein to be creative, responsibility that I didn't have to think twice about and family friendly hours in practice, not just on the job description. I had family support for child care, very convenient and makes a big difference. I found my groove back! I wasn't overwhelmed or out of my depth, as I worry about now. I was a happier person to be around with more energy for dinner and bath time, than what I have now as a stay at home mum.
After 6 months, I was feeling rather settled in my role that combines woman, mother and wife, Mr A receives an offer too good to refuse in Doha... We're going back! Yes, this is the second stint in the desert. That was about 18 mths ago and here I am, wondering how to get some balance back in my life to bring back the woman!
There is a practical side that stops me from pulling the trigger. Miss B is 3 & 1/2, she is soon to start school, 7.30am-12.30, 5 days a week. Yes, that is EARLY and yes, she is young and no we are both not morning people, so there's going to be an adjustment period! We don't have a maid and driver to do the school run, like many working parents do here and I'm not quite ready to consider a live in maid, so I'm trying to figure out what my options are, given part time work is very difficult to find here. From my understanding, the entire concept and the benefits haven't quite caught on here. This is the land of opportunity though and my gut instinct tells me that once you put the feelers out there, I will be inundated with offers. So, why am I procrastinating?
All I have to do is update the CV, put a proposal together of services I am able to offer and send it off, which gives me the choice of working from home, consulting or if an employer is happy to be flexible with school hours, happy days! I know I can do it but I have thoughts of self doubt and concerns of being overwhelmed, as I already feel now without a job to add to the mix. I have concerns about taking on an employers project and feeling the priority pull from each side. When Miss B needs my attention now, I am able to give it to her but if I have expectation from an employer, how do I prioritize when deep down she is my priority, without a question. The other option is to study. I've investigated it and it ticks most boxes but I feel like I need some adult interaction, not more time cooped up at the computer, I do enough of that now. Then there's the crafty/hobby option. I'm a left hander, I've never been handy so why start now!
So tell me, have you found balance? Are you in Doha? What are you doing? Were you a better person for it and how did you make it work? Or are you still waiting to pull the trigger?
How do you always manage to make me cry!? It's either tears of laughter due to the 'IBTC' or tears of mixed emotions just knowing how you feel and being right there with you (in spirit anyway).
ReplyDeleteGood on you for taking this step into blogging (again). I think of you every day and now I can feel just that bit more connected to you. Aim xx
My beautiful friend!! :) As another mummy blogger mentioned this morning...'I'm having a brain fart'....IBTC??! You know I think of you too xx
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