You say tomato, I say tomato...

Ok, so you know it's been too long between blogs when you forget your user id and password, not just one of them, both!

I still haven't really figured out the direction of this blog but it seems to be moving towards personal snippets of this and that.  It's an outlet for me and I'm not going to fuss too much over whether I think others would find a particular topic really interesting or not.  It is, what it is!

The last couple of days I've had Miss B at home from nursery as she's had hand, foot and mouth virus (nothing to do with Mad Cow!) and after her bout of conjunctivitis the previous week, the smart thing to do was to infect myself. In an attempt to control our disease ridden household, I was like a broken record telling Miss B, 'don't touch your eyes', 'wash your hands' etc. To get out of the house I took her with me to do a food shop.  We're in the fruit and vegie section when Miss B starts picking up fruit, dropping it on the floor, you know the drill.  Normally I make a game of it and if she feels like she's 'helping' me, we get by without too many issues but today, I just wanted to get in and out.  First time, "Miss B, PLEASE don't touch the fruit".... Miss B: "But why?" I explain, as I do every other time, that other people would like to buy it and if you drop it and bruise it they won't be happy when they get it home and they have to throw it out.  Moving along, by this stage, I'm not using 'please' anymore, "Miss B, how many times do I have to tell you to stop touching the fruit." We're at the tomatoes and an older gentleman has a little smile and tells me politely that they all have to find their way somehow.  Hmm, I acknowledge him but now feel like a bad mother and the guilt sets in for getting on her case and not letting her just be a kid.... this lasts for about 10 seconds.  As I wondered down to the cheeses, I imagined whether he would have the same opinion if I had said "Well sir, she has hand foot & mouth, would you like it too or are you satisfied with just pesticides?  Touching your tomatoes should do the trick but if you want to make sure of it, I could always get her to sneeze on them?!"
I'm in two minds now that I'm not so sleep deprived and a little less irritable as to whether to nag or not but I will definitely be washing my fruit and vegies a little more diligently.

Today was Miss B's last day of nursery.  I don't think she understands the finality of this.  Dropping her off this morning was a little like the first day of nursery for me, but nothing unusual for her.  Miss B making her usual late rock star entrance after a big kiss and cuddle at the door but as I walked out, I was sad.  Sad that she is growing up too quickly, sad that we won't be coming back to this beautiful villa filled with colour, warmth and happiness, sad that big school won't have the same familiarity and family feel, and sad because I think she's too young for the coldness of school corridors.  I remember dropping her off and feeling empty during her first week but once I could see how much she thrived on the socialisation and stimulation and how warm and caring her teachers were, I was relieved and very content.  I can't see myself feeling this come September. In Doha, the Kindergarten equivalent forms part of the private school system where many schools host 3-4 year olds up to senior students.  The school day starts at 7.30am, Monday-Friday. My baby girl will be just 4, I'd like one more year.

#PMTea aka 'fluff politics'

I have been debating whether to write this post or not over the last few days but it was bugging me.  After reading many tweets and blogs from a select number of well regarded Aussie female bloggers, who happen to be mothers and who were privileged enough to be invited to morning tea with our PM, Julia Gillard.  Why the hesitation?  I'm rather new to blogging and tweeting but not new enough to know there are plenty of people out there ready and willing to show me that my skin ain't so thick and discussing politics in any shape or form could be just handing it to them on a platter. I also don't consider myself political and perhaps doubt my general knowledge when it comes to the subject matter but I have watched enough episodes of West Wing* to get the gist and at the end of the day, I vote. 

Firstly, the well regarded blogging women referred to include the likes of @chrissieswan, @Woogsworlds,@fatmumslim, @KerriSackville, @stylingyou, just to name a few. I love reading their blogs and tweets, they inspire me, I relate to them, they make me laugh and on occasions they have made me cry.  I will make it clear that my view expressed in this post is not directed at them or what they have written post #PMTea, it's purely at the political PR machine, that I don't think gives women enough credit. I will acknowledge that I'm not currently in Australia and I'm not completely up to speed with the day to day political happenings, particularly if it's not on The Age or hitting me in the face through social media.  I'm not trying to make a political statement but I am giving my opinion on what I have been reading over the last few days specifically relating to the #PMTea.

I found myself reading various tweets about the invite, I was intrigued and I was was impressed with the PM for taking time out of her hectic schedule and acknowledge their importance and influence.   A few days prior I was also impressed when @mummamia put it out there that the PM was coming in to discuss 'childcare' and asked readers to hand over their questions that she would ask on our behalf.  Excellent move and constructive, I now see exactly how stuffed our child care system is with underpaid staff and obviously the costs, making it a difficult decision for mothers considering a return back to work, little incentive.  Whilst working 3 days, I was fortunate enough to have willing and able grandparents to share the load for free, thus my lack of exposure to this system.

Anyway, I was waiting with anticipation to hear how the #PMTea went.  Yes there were plenty of funny stories about tuna mornay, cutlery theft and the artwork in the underwhelming toilet at Kirribilli, and yes, I had a little chuckle and I was a little envious**, but what was the deeper purpose of inviting these women, surely it couldn't be just to have a little chat?  These blogging women can influence a large female voting sector, how is @JuliaGillard going to win us over?  It seems that if you throw in a good mani/pedi, great hair and make up, a sense of humor and some touchy feely warmth, you'll have a winning vote.  These attributes help but was I missing something? Did these guys sign a confidentiality agreement on anything policy related? It seems that my fellow bloggers were more excited to be in the room with each other, than the PM and I completely get that, I'd be pretty excited to meet some of you too!  We're all only human and  I also get that a #PMTea is a serious nerve stimulant and I definitely wouldn't be the one to bombard the PM with policy demands.  I think it was great that guests were able to see a 'human' side to the PM but I think this was an opportunity missed by the PM.   Over the last 24hours, I have read plenty of compliments for the PR machine for executing such a smart move. Yes, it generated a few tweets and blogs but does the PM and her PR machine think that the content of these comments is enough to win the female vote?  As a woman herself, surely not?! & God I hope not! Perhaps I'm missing what their objective may have been?

We are in the middle of a global economic crisis that is hitting families regardless of socio-economic status and the juggle of work and family has probably never been this difficult for many given our lifestyles and the cost of living being out of control. Australia is not immune to what is going on around the rest of the world and it feels that our vote is more important than ever.  For the record I'm not Liberal or Labor, I'm looking for the best person with the best policies to keep our lucky country afloat and to keep my family healthy and educated.  In short policy affects my vote, not hair and make up.  In the post #PMTea discussions I was looking forward to a bit of humor, these girls do that very well, but I wanted a little more substance, given it was tea with the PM. Why? Because I want to be influenced, I want a reason to vote.  It appears that there were no political ideas or issues discussed that were relevant to those in the room? Seriously, am I missing something? A little politics without dampening the excitement in the room could have generated plenty of chatter and tweets that showed a little more substance, in addition to your gorgeous complexion and sense of humour.  Hell, you may even get my vote?!  We can then stand up and say how smart your PR team were to execute such a successful #PMTea.  Enough with the 'fluff politics'!  We get enough of that with your mate Tony.

*For the record I have all 7 seasons and it would be conservative to say I've watched them perhaps 4-5 times each! Sad really?!
**Love a good macaroon and I'm sure it would taste even better in the company of Chrissie Swan!

I AM WOMAN!

As I write this, Miss B is 'wooing' as loud as she can into her cardboard didgeridoo that she and Mr A painted up today whilst I zipped off for a lunch with a group of friends at Jones the Grocer.  So I am finding it a little difficult to concentrate with all the cultural noise going on in the background!

As I drove out today on my own, leaving Mr A and Miss B free to their own devices, I felt a little strange not having them with me.  Mr A is very capable and I know he treasures his weekends, particularly the mornings where I get to sleep in (yes spoilt!) whilst those two fluff around with paint and playdo (both things I prefer not to 'mess' around with through the week)!

Generally, I have always found the company of other women much easier when there are guys around to keep it balanced. I'm not so sure why I have never been one to not seek out the company of all women, although the 2 years I spent at an all girls high school was probably enough to put me off! Throughout my 20's, not all but many of my closest friends were guys who I could debrief with whenever needed and I found that support on par with my female friends.  However, when you become a mum, generally, it is only women that really get your perspective, particularly relating to life after child and it is really only women that provide that 'hit the nail on the head' reassurance that you're looking for.  I'm not saying that your male counterpart is not supportive, I'm very fortunate in that area, but a woman who has stood in similar shoes, 6 inch or otherwise, can be a saving grace on a bad day.  I also acknowledge that women can be their own worst enemy and many are all too qualified to compete in and judge the world of motherhood.  To them, I say when you find a rule book, I'd love a copy!

Today I spent a few hours over lunch with four other women and I was reminded of why being a woman and spending time with other women is good for the soul.  Three hours of chatting and laughing about all sorts of bits and pieces, the 'birth plan bullies' to 'shit pie served up by "The Help". The latter had nothing to do with Mrs C's wagu beef pie served up by Jones the Grocer, that looked delicious by the way as did the fish and chips being eaten by my mag grabber next door!  I was also particularly impressed with Mr's C's friend who used to leave all the old food in the fridge for the ex husband who used to raid her fridge, like the good 'ol times, when dropping the kids off.... how's that for inspiring?! Coming back to females providing the reassurance you're looking for, unfortunately I wasn't so successful in that area for my 2 pregnant mates, when discussing their impending births.  The thought of going through that again still freaks me out and the thought of doing it here also freaks me out, possibly enough to put me off having a second!  I do understand that's probably not what you need to hear in your 3rd trimester.  Having babies is a pastime here, EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE, probably would have been better than "STUFF THAT!?" Foot in mouth unfortunately happens to me without wine involved!

So upon my return I was happily greeted by Mr A and Miss B who had been very busy at it, making what every good woman loves, a new handbag!   As a result there's no way of forgetting where I'm from (definitely not forgetting with the dig noise that still hasn't subsided) but also... I AM WOMAN!

"H" is for Hermes, Miss B tells me!

How much is too much?

After finally pulling the trigger and restarting this blog, I already find myself juggling my social media activities and my day to day 'Director of the House' duties. Miss B has just gone down, I'm tired but I couldn't help but jump on the computer and already I'm feeling like I'm neglected my blog. When I set out to do something particularly professional, I always like to give it 110% and this blog is no different, although this 'little project' I have created is not exactly professional (at this point in time anyway), but having said that, I'm not doing this simply because I have nothing better to do but wash dishes.  So where do you draw the line on how much time to dedicate to your blog and others, Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest?  I haven't even looked at Linkedin yet! Yes, this blog is in early days but there's not much point in dedicating a considerable amount of effort into the content and it not being read so it's not only finding time to write it, it needs time to promote it. This social media thing could seriously be a full time job!  Perhaps I don't need to pull the 'real trigger' after all?  Nice thought but I'll cross that bridge when I start taking sponsorship proposals. 

It doesn't feel that long ago, I was working for a classifieds website. From memory, MySpace and Facebook were still battling it out and I hadn't bothered with either.  I seriously thought it was a time waster and even now on days when I look at the clock and wonder where the last 2 hours of my day went, my thoughts are often the same, although Facebook can't be entirely blamed for that. When social media popped up in our strategy, in particular Facebook, I thought I had better get on board and find out exactly how to use it!  Remember I mentioned that feeling of being out of my depth, this was around that time (pregnancy hormones didn't help!).  I started jumping on occasionally, but definitely not every day.  I remember reading about women, in particular mothers becoming obsessed by it and admitting humorously, that it was interfering with their parenting.  I shook my head at this notion as I still wasn't convinced of its influence.  In fact, it has taken me quite some time to be convinced of it as a marketing tool.  I still don't think it works for everyone and I also think that there are many organisations that use it, because they think they should, but don't understand exactly what they want to achieve from it, so of course it's not going to be effective and tangible. That's another post altogether and not by me.

So as a mum, I was a Facebook converter.  It made me feel connected and in touch with my pre baby life but also it was great to keep everyone up to date with all the aspects of being a new parent.  As an expat it's great for updating family and friends with pics and status updates.  You're away from them but you still feel very connected.  Mr A refused to sign up.  Instead he chose to live vicariously though my page and still does, despite the fact that he now has a page of his own, that I created, in an attempt to stop missing my new notifications and messages.  You can imagine my thoughts when Mr A, out of the blue became 'addicted' to Twitter. I still didn't see the point in Twitter.  What has the world come to with their celebrity obsessions?  Who cares if Paris is laying on a beach in Mexico? Seriously don't these 'twits' have better things to do with their time?  I didn't get that he would tweet over Facebook.  However, when Mr A start updating me on the latest, up to the minute local traffic, which can be a life saver here in Doha and latest openings, sales, weather (also vital, although for about 5mths, it doesn't change from DAMN HOT'), and various other up to the minute handy snippets, I thought I might give it a go.

Last week, without Twitter, Doha News (a local unofficial news website) and Facebook, I would have been completely oblivious to the tragedy unfolding.  The sense of community I felt as a direct result of being connected through social media was an amazing support to the strange grief that I experienced as a complete stranger to all those directly impacted, and thanks to Twitter and Facebook,  I know that I wasn't alone in feeling like this.  In fact at times, it may have influenced my own parenting as I just couldn't take myself away from it.  In the aftermath, it has kept me up to date and connected once again with reactions from authorities and the community and it's given me a voice.  It forwarded me to blogs, that I am now reading regularly, which have inspired me to start my own again.  We've been in Doha going on eighteen months now so I was living in the Middle East as the 'Arab Spring' evolved and regardless of hearing over and over again, the impact or influence that Twitter had on these events, I found it difficult to comprehend.  Well, now I get it.

So where does Pinterest come in?  I love Pinterest, it's a little break or escape from the day.  It's probably the least important site I visit on a regular basis but it's also the one I could waste the most amount of time on.  It inspires me and I'm not sure if this makes sense but it's a consistently nice experience.  It's not political, it never winds you up, it's not judgemental, it's full of creativity and it's just a happy place to go to look at nice things and stick 'em on your board. A nice, simple time waster and I love it!

So once again, I come back to 'balance'.  Every week is not going to be like last week.  You've got to crawl before you can walk and I have the time to crawl today.  I can be extremely impatient and I would love to write a quality post every day to make this blog feel worthy and established but it's just not going to happen.  Once you become a mother, you learn that 110% is not always possible.  Something has to give and sometimes the dishes do have to be done!

If you've got some time on your hands, I'd be rather interested to hear how much time other bloggers dedicate to their Blog, reading others and social media in general.   How much are you influenced by blog income or the potential of it?

When to pull the trigger....

All through your 20's you strive to establish a career that stands up to your own and unfortunately, others expectations.  You hit your 30's, you're in a relationship, married or otherwise and you start to feel that maternal instinct kick in, it's overpowering and not something that can be ignored.  Your body clock is also ticking away and you consider what you have achieved professionally, the places you have traveled, life experiences and how things stack up if there were to be 3 of you. All the ducks seem to be lined up so why wouldn't you?

Now, fast forward beyond making that decision and the whirlwind that is pregnancy and the miracle of having a newborn and skip to the time where you've been out of the workforce for a considerable time.  You spend your groundhog days cooking, cleaning, food shopping, nursery runs in between potty training, reading, drawing, ballet and swimming lessons and too many conversations with those under 4 or other mums, about those under 4.  The time when you were a woman with her own identity, not attached to someone else feels gone.  You feel like the balance must be wrong but how do you change that?  Self doubt has set in, there are many days when you know you are impatient, moody, unmotivated and simply overwhelmed by it all.  Something needs to change, where do you start?

Do I need a job?  Do I need a hobby? Should I go back and study?

When Miss B was 2, I went back to work 3 days a week out of necessity after Mr A, who is in finance, was retrenched.  We had just finished a major renovation on our house and we were a year or so into a global financial crisis.  I took the first job I was offered that was family friendly, not at all related to my professional background, but something I was more than qualified to do.  My boss, a mother of two, one year into an online wholesale business selling eco baby products, utter chaos, terrible industrial offices with inadequate heating/cooling and simply a nutcase to work with.  Reluctantly, but out of necessity, I stuck it out for just over a year, it was simply a job to help pay the mortgage. Every day I drove into that office all I could think of is how much I wanted to be at home with Miss B.  I then applied for a Marketing/PR role also offering 3 days, working on some very well established and high end stationery brands, being distributed by a small but successful family business.  I could not believe the change in my self esteem, energy and well being.  A role that gave me full rein to be creative, responsibility that I didn't have to think twice about and family friendly hours in practice, not just on the job description.  I had family support for child care, very convenient and makes a big difference.  I found my groove back! I wasn't overwhelmed or out of my depth, as I worry about now.  I was a happier person to be around with more energy for dinner and bath time, than what I have now as a stay at home mum.

After 6 months, I was feeling rather settled in my role that combines woman, mother and wife, Mr A receives an offer too good to refuse in Doha... We're going back!  Yes, this is the second stint in the desert.  That was about 18 mths ago and here I am, wondering how to get some balance back in my life to bring back the woman!

There is a practical side that stops me from pulling the trigger.  Miss B is 3 & 1/2, she is soon to start school, 7.30am-12.30, 5 days a week.  Yes, that is EARLY and yes, she is young and no we are both not morning people, so there's going to be an adjustment period!  We don't have a maid and driver to do the school run, like many working parents do here and I'm not quite ready to consider a live in maid, so I'm trying to figure out what my options are, given part time work is very difficult to find here.  From my understanding, the entire concept and the benefits haven't quite caught on here.  This is the land of opportunity though and my gut instinct tells me that once you put the feelers out there, I will be inundated with offers.  So, why am I procrastinating? 

All I have to do is update the CV, put a proposal together of services I am able to offer and send it off, which gives me the choice of working from home, consulting or if an employer is happy to be flexible with school hours, happy days!  I know I can do it but I have thoughts of self doubt and concerns of being overwhelmed, as I already feel now without a job to add to the mix. I have concerns about taking on an employers project and feeling the priority pull from each side.  When Miss B needs my attention now, I am able to give it to her but if I have expectation from an employer, how do I prioritize when deep down she is my priority, without a question.  The other option is to study.  I've investigated it and it ticks most boxes but I feel like I need some adult interaction, not more time cooped up at the computer, I do enough of that now.  Then there's the crafty/hobby option.  I'm a left hander, I've never been handy so why start now!

So tell me, have you found balance?  Are you in Doha? What are you doing? Were you a better person for it and how did you make it work? Or are you still waiting to pull the trigger?

Trying to be rational in a time of grief

Living in Doha this week has been full of ups and downs, probably more of the latter but that's not usually the case.  For those of you not aware, one week ago today there was a tragic fire at Villagio shopping mall, here in Doha.  Tragically 19 people were killed and 13 of those were children.

The grief that has swept this small community has been overwhelming.  Uncontrollable tears for the parents of children that perished and the families of the 2 teachers and 2 emergency workers that chose to stay with the little ones.  Anger has also set in hard.

The growth that Doha has experienced in the last 6 years is beyond imaginable.  Malls and skyscrapers are going up at such alarming rates that the quality of construction and workmanship is very questionable.  Fires are common here, it's not unusual to see a villa up in flames, we all know that the electrical work leaves a lot to be desired but never has there been such a tragic outcome as there was last week at Villagio.  In many minds, rightly so, this tragedy was avoidable.  Only some fire alarms went off, there were no proper evacuation procedures in place, the nursery where all 19 perished was simply not a suitable venue to be operating as a nursery and we all heard too many stories of people in the mall being told there was nothing to worry about or it was false alarm.  Once the nursery's wooden staircase collapsed, there was no way out. There will be many unanswered questions surrounding this terrible day and given the outcry there will be harsh penalties for those that are found accountable.  Every parent here in Doha all thought and knew that it could have been any one of us waking up tomorrow without our most treasured possessions.  All we can hope is that the local authorities learn from this and enforce appropriate measures to avoid this ever happening again.

There is so much more I could write on this to express my grief and anger but like many here in Doha, I have to take a step back. After a week of being glued to Facebook, Twitter and Doha News, teary outbursts, wondering around the house feeling numb and so bitterly angry, I am in the fortunate position that I can take a step back and put my arms around Miss B, something that others will so sadly never do again.  Something that did cross my mind in an attempt to reason with my thoughts, as a 'Westerner', it is very easy to criticise and make it a cultural issue and think that this would never happen at home due to our standards.  It could and it has.  What we do have to consider is that many parts of the Western world have a long history of devastating fires and it is only through these tragic experiences that measures have been put into place to try and avoid such tragedies occurring in the future.  In my mind, I picture the Doha skyline 6 years ago to that of today and this country too needs to unfortunately go through it's history and learn from it. By no means is this my only opinion on the events of this week but it was one of my more rational thoughts in amongst the grief and anger.

Putting my toes back into the water...

Firstly, I am not a professional writer, so I apologise now for the lack of structure, spelling and grammatical errors you may discover, if you choose to read on.  This is not the first blog I have written as an expat living in Qatar.  For some silly reason, I completely wiped 2 years of work after a friend was seriously hacked and now I find myself starting over again for the same reasons as I did last time, this time though I'm an expat wife and mother to Miss B3. 

Too many weird and wonderful things happen in this part of the world that is the Middle East and parenthood, as many will identify with, provides you with non stop entertainment, all hours of the day and night!  We live in a world of sharing and given my background, I find writing a great creative outlet whilst being out of the professional workforce and it pushes my brain to think beyond the next nursery rhyme.  The thought of any of my friends or acquaintances that are professional writers, reading this makes me cringe a little but I have been inspired by others in very similar circumstances and hopefully this can offer a little of the same.